


Flowers from Earth

by Magical_Mischief_Mon



Series: you could kill me and you should [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/F, Friendship, Hanahaki Disease, Misunderstandings, One-Sided Attraction, Post-Season/Series 02, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 10:54:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16680286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magical_Mischief_Mon/pseuds/Magical_Mischief_Mon
Summary: Pidge has fallen in love for the first time, but she doesn’t know with whom.





	Flowers from Earth

The first flower was a warning and Pidge knew it. She had seen other kids in middle school and at the garrison coughing them up and she learned about it in school like everyone else. It was like cancer but much more deadly, yet equally curable. The options were to get the person you love to like you back, surgery, or to stop loving them.

The first two weren’t possible. Not for Katie Holt or Pidge Gunderson. She could never get the cause to reciprocate feelings and as far as she knew, they didn’t have surgeons for hanahaki in space. (Not that she even knows who the cause is.) Hunk had checked in case any of them fell in love.

The only cure was to stop loving the recipient of her affection. She could do this, she swore as she tore up the iris. (She could not do this.)

 

~*~

 

Pidge had coughed more irises than she would like and they were starting to gather with the other garbage in her room. Maybe Lance would like them. A little piece of earth brought all the way to space in her lungs. Because that’s definitely the way she wants to reveal she has this disease.

(She doesn’t want to reveal she has it at all and the possibility frightens her.)

She wondered what the next flower would be, if this continues. It couldn’t just be irises, right? She hoped they would lead her to figuring it out before the team barged down her door and asked why she was avoiding them.

 

~*~

 

They were magnolias.

Pidge swore out life and whatever had cursed the human race with this disease. There were only two, maybe three options and none of them were good. It could be Shiro, a deadman no one has found. It could be the Princess, the last of a dead species who is all about her duty to it. Or Keith, the loner, who Pidge sort of got along with when there was no one around and she had gotten zero sleep.

Because those are the kind of people who fit the description of dignity and splendid beauty.

Pidge wanted to kill something. (This was a death sentence and she knew it.)

 

~*~

 

Pidge ended up turning to Lance about this because she had no other choice.

They had been forced to train together for some unfathomable reason she couldn’t remember. One moment, everything was okay. Next, she was hacking up blood stained irises and magnolias. Not her idea of a good time. (It worried Lance to pieces as he watched her, unable to help.)

“Don’t you dare tell anyone about this.” She threatened before coughing up a few more stray petals. It wasn’t as threatening as she was hoping, but he still nodded and picked up the disgusting things, so she supposed it worked.

“I won’t tell anyone. Do you know who it is, yet?” Lance asked, hands smeared with red. He was cradling them all, more gentle with them than she had ever been.

“No. I’ve narrowed it down, though. The magnolias cut you out, so you don’t have to worry.” Pidge assured him. She was thankful for that much. It would have been even worse if it were a playboy like him.

“What? You don’t think I’m a splendid beauty?” He said, offended. It was a bit dramatic, but Lance was always dramatic, so she couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not.

“I don’t think you have much dignity with the way you flirt with girls willy nilly.” Pidge teased him, trying to forget about the flowers in his hands. Lance shrugged, admitting to that one.

So, who do you think it could be?” He asked, staring at the flowers in his arms. Her diversion hadn’t worked as well as she hoped.

“Well, my top two options are either a deadman or a princess of the dead. The third possibility is emo wolf.” She counted, sitting down on the training floor. Getting those damned flowers took a lot out of her. (Though she would never admit it.)

“I- I didn’t know you were bi. Or pan. Not that I’m judging. I’m, uh, bi, too, so...” Lance said nervously, sitting beside her.

“I didn’t really have a whole lot of time to figure it out. Just thought pretty was pretty, regardless of gender.” Pidge stated. She hadn’t had time to think about it. By the time she was old enough to, she was being ostracized and bullied for being smart. And then she went to chase after leads on her missing family. There was never time to just think about her sexuality.

“Right. Well, who do you think it could be?” Lance continued back on track. Away from the awkward conversation of coming out.

“Honestly? I’m hoping it’s not Shiro. That- that would just guarantee a failed love.” She stumbled over her words. Thinking about Shiro still hurt. Especially since they never found his body. It was driving Keith (and secretly her) crazy with hope he might still be out there.

“Yeah. It’s best if you don’t fall for anyone who’s disappeared from your life.” He agreed. “How do you feel about mullet?”

“I don’t know. He’s not too bad, despite your weird obsession about a rivalry. I guess I wouldn’t mind it too much if it were him.” She wouldn’t mind it at all. It wouldn’t be bad if he was the one, they had gotten along in the past, despite their occasional fights.

“I can honestly admit that you two would make a good team. A scary one, but good.” Pidge was touched that Lance could set aside the abnormal rivalry and talk about Keith normally. Even if it was because they were trying to figure out who caused her hanahaki. “What about the princess? Think she might be someone you like?”

“I don’t know... She ticks off the boxes for the magnolias. And the irises are too broad. More about how the person makes me feel than about the person themselves. Why do these flowers have to be so cryptic?” She sighed. It would be nice if they could just tell her outright.

“That’s just the way it goes. At least you have me here to help you figure it out.” He grinned.

“Thanks.” She returned it. She actually felt like she might have some hope with this. “Well, let’s just cross Shiro off the list and hope that’s right.”

“The next thing to do is to spend more time with them and hope you’ll figure it out from there.” Lance told her. She nodded and they cleared out the magnolias and irises from the training room.

 

~*~

 

Pidge had been talking to and hanging out with the princess and Keith more. Keith was easy. They had done it before and they shared things in common. It wasn’t that easy with Allura. The only thing she shared with her was that they were both female, and even that was different because of their difference in biology.

“What am I looking for, again?” Pidge groaned into Lance’s pillow. Once again she wished the flowers would just tell her who she’s in love with instead of making her have to narrow it down.

“Which one makes your heart race and your face heat up, inspires you to do more and better. The one that makes your heart break when they don’t smile at you, but brightens your entire week with a little laugh from out of nowhere.” Lance explained with a bit of wistfulness. The way he talked about it was similar to the way he talked about his family. As if he was speaking about old memories and experiences, turned sour because he didn’t know if he’d see them again.

“Lance, have you... have you ever had hanahaki before?” Pidge asked, a bit hesitant. It was a personal question but with the way he spoke, it spiked her curiosity.

“Oh. Yeah. I did, once. Well, more than once, but the others were nothing in comparison to the one that mattered the most. The others were easily cured. Either they loved me back or I fell out of love with them, but...” Lance trailed off. His entire expression was one of pain, but he smiled and gave a little laugh. “This is going to be so cliche to say, but there was one that got away. He didn’t even remember my name when I talked to him. I fell fast and hard and he didn’t even know my name, isn’t that horrible?”

She could see the tears in his eyes. It was so wrong to see him like this. He was the determined, foolish, and energetic Lance who had good ideas and was secretly smart. Not someone who should be forgotten by anyone. She moved closer to him, not sure if she should hug him or not.

“It doesn’t matter now, I guess. I got them removed awhile ago. I haven’t really fallen for anyone since. It kind of feels like he took away my ability to fall in love and it’s left a hole in me. But again, it doesn’t matter now. What’s done is done.”

“I hope you find love again.” She said. It was the only thing she could say about something like this.

“Someday, but first, we’ve gotta find your’s and make them fall for you, too.” Lance changed the topic with a swift, determined response.

“What? Going to kill them for me if they don’t?” She asked, teasing. She was just fine with getting away from the sad topic and pretending it never happened.

“If it means saving your life, then yeah. I’ll kill them.” He promised. It was kind of sweet and unexpected, considering this was coming from Lance. Keith, she could see promising to murder people. Lance, she did not.

“Thanks.”

“No problem. What’s murder between friends?”

 

~*~

 

“You and Lance, huh?” Hunk asked as he cooked.

“What?” Pidge looked up from what she called cereal. It wasn’t quite the same, texture and flavor just off enough to be noticeable, but not enough to be completely different.

“You two sure have been spending a lot of time together.” He said. It was as if he was trying to hint at something, but she didn’t understand what it was.

“Well yeah. He’s my friend and he’s helping me out with a project.” She stated the obvious. They were friends so why would it be strange if they hung out. Or even suspicious like Hink was suggesting.

“A project.” He repeated, his tone dubious. “Why didn’t you ask me to help?”

“Because it’s personal. And Lance found out on his own.” Pidge frowned. She knew Hunk likes to pry into people’s secrets and personal stuff, but it was usually more casual.

“Is that right? Well make sure this project of your’s doesn’t hurt him.” He said and then left with his food. It almost sounded like a threat.

“I’m not sure that’s possible.” Pidge replied to the air. And then added with a mutter, “unless I start getting thorny petals.”

 

~*~

 

It was during an attack. Of all the things, she realized who she was in love with during an attack. And the cause of flowers choking her day and night was the princess.

Because of course it was the princess.

She was high and mighty, gorgeous and fierce. A true goddess who would never look at her as anything other than a soldier or a friend. At least it could be worse.

She could have fallen for Shiro.

 

~*~

 

With the realization it was Allura, a new flower came along.

It was a full bloom peony. The one flower out of three she didn’t know the meaning of. She knew she should ask Lance, but she had been keeping her discovery secret. She didn’t want to reveal she had zero chance at getting cured. It was better to pretend everything was okay and she might be able to live.

She didn’t want him to know she had given up.

(He found out anyway and cried.)

 

~*~

 

The thing about love is that if it’s repressed and forced away, it can grow into something twisted.

The fourth one came in the form of an orange lily. Pidge coughed those up a lot now, along with the peonies. Sometimes magnolias and irises would join, but orange lilies were what blurred her vision as she put her head over a toilet bowl when everyone else was asleep. Peonies left petals in her throat and forced herself to throw up so she didn’t swallow them.

She knew the meaning of the lilies and she hated it like she hated this disease, like she hated the galra, like she hated Zarkon. (Like she hated herself.)

Lance saw them and she could see his realization that she knew who she was in love with. He didn’t ask. Instead, he hugged her so she couldn’t run away. (He wasn’t running either.) He held on tight and she cried, not carrying where she was or who saw.

She didn’t want to hate so much. It made her feel horrible. Especially not the one she loved.

 

~*~

 

It was orange lilies that now laid at Allura’s feet.

She looked worried and some part of Pidge took twisted pleasure in knowing it was for her. But that wasn’t important. Right now picking up the flowers and hiding them away to pick apart was the objective. Pidge had almost gotten them all, but apparently Allura had decided to help.

She was beautiful as she examined the lily. Her long hair was highlighted silver by the lights and her blue eyes seemed to sparkle. Pidge could watch her forever if she didn’t have more important things to do.

“It looks like an orange juniberry.” The melodic voice came from the goddess’ lips with a sad musing. Pidge’s heart soared and then took a dip. “I didn’t know humans could make flowers.”

“It’s, uh, not something we advertise. It’s very personal and private. I- I’d rather you didn’t share this with everyone else. Please.” And here she went. On another rambling tangent that made her seem all the less attractive and more awkward.

“Oh. I’m sorry. Your flower?” The princess attempted to hand the lily of hatred back to her. It made her want to throw up again.

“You can keep it. If you want. Just don’t tell anyone, okay?” She said, rejecting it. If the princess seemed to think it was pretty, all the better. The flower was for her, even if the meaning was detestable.

“Thank you. It’s almost like the ones from my planet. What is this called?” Pidge’s heart hurt as much as it soared. No wonder Allura liked it, it reminded her of her home.

“It’s a lily. An orange one. Commonly they’re white, orange is lesser known.” Pidge explained.

“It’s beautiful. Thank you.” Allura smiled and Pidge’s heart pounded in her chest. She had made the princess smile with the flower.

“No problem.” She gave a nervous smile in return and watched the princess leave. Pidge dealt with the rest of the flowers she had and washed herself off. Hopefully, the princess would never see any other flowers again.

 

~*~

 

Another thing Pidge hated; how much she’s been crying.

It was mostly out of pain whenever the flowers came out, but sometimes she cried when she talked to Lance. She told him about how beautiful Allura was and how hopeless it was. She knew he secretly agreed. No one could touch Allura. No human, at least. She was just too extraordinary for any of them to handle.

He didn’t mind. He would hold her tight and it was almost as if it was her brother or father holding her. He sung her spanish lullabies she couldn’t understand, but they eased the pain so she focused on them.

In return, she began to give him her magnolias and irises. Beautiful flowers with meanings that don’t scare either of them. Together they would decorate his room with them. It became their new secret project.

One day they had worked well into the night cycle. They worried about the others finding her roaming the hall to return to her room. She ended up staying the night so as not to risk getting caught coughing her guts up.

That was when Pidge learned Lance had nightmares and terrors about what could be happening on earth and the things they had experienced already. She admitted she had them too and that was that.

Pidge turned her room into a workspace.

Her bedding mysteriously ended up in Lance’s room.

 

~*~

 

The other castle members were starting to act weird around them. Lance and Pidge boy agreed on this. They were getting vague threats about not hurting the other (Pidge eventually realized that Hunk had been threatening her when she was eating cereal) and they come up to them saying they could always talk to them.

It made Pidge feel uneasy and she knew Lance was no better. Their secrets were their’s and they didn’t want to share them if they didn’t have to. They didn’t like the idea that everyone could already know and they were bad at what they were doing.

It wasn’t until Lance burst into Pidge’s bedroom, turned workroom, one day, that they finally figured it out.

“They think we’re dating!” Lance shouted. She was so shocked that she just stared at him for a few seconds before bursting out laughing. It was the funniest thing she had heard since Shiro died. “Pidge, I’m being serious! Coran just tried to give me the Altean version of the sex talk! It was mortifying!”

She laughed harder. It wasn’t until her stomach started hurting and she started coughing that it began to fade. The feelings reminded her of her disease and that was enough to ruin all of her fun.

“Lets just tell them that we’re not.” Pidge suggested. It was the simplest thing to do to stop them from their crazy theory. Lance hesitated, but agreed that it wasn’t a bad idea.

 

~*~

 

“What do you mean you guys aren’t dating?” Hunk exclaimed at the same time as the others said variations. It would be amusing if they weren’t getting in her face and being loud about it.

“Exactly that. We are not in love, nor are we dating. We are just friends and only friends.” Pidge told them. Lance nodded beside her, agreeing with her words.

“Hunk, if I was in love with anyone, I would tell you. You should know that.” Lance added. Pidge stared at him for a moment, decrypting his words. She hadn’t realized that Hunk had known about Lance’s history, but it made sense since they were roommates.

“I guess you’re right. I just thought you two wanted to keep it private.” Hunk rubbed his neck.

“And the best way to keep that privacy is by threatening us? Nah. We’re just friends and that’s all. There is no reason to think otherwise.” Pidge said. She watched the four look nervous and added, “is there?”

“Well, you have been leaving Lance’s room at odd hours.” Coran offered.

“I enter and leave everyone’s room at odd hours. I often have to sneak into Hunk’s room to get my tools back.”

“You’ve been secretive and huddled together, most of the time.” Allura stated.

“We don’t want people eavesdropping on a project we’re doing.” Lance shrugged.

“You mention Lance at least once every time we talk.” Keith directed at Pidge.

“I- I actually do, don’t I?” She realized.

“You talk about me? I didn’t know you cared, Pidgey!” Lance attempted to hug her.

“Shove off, pansy.” She tried to push him away, but she was grinning.

“And then there’s those nicknames.” Hunk pointed out.

“Keith and I give each other nicknames, too.”

“To clarify, Lance and number five are not courting?” Coran asked.

“Yes. It would seem we leaped to some conclusions. My apologies.” Allura bowed.

“It’s not anything to apologize for princess. Just please, don’t do it again.” Lance requested, Pidge nodding along.

 

~*~

 

“I’m sorry for assuming.” Keith told her later, pulling her aside. Keith apologizing was a rare thing and it didn’t feel right.

“Hey, like Lance said, there’s nothing to apologize for. It’s just a bit weird to even think about the two of us like that.” Pidge waved it off. She didn’t want to make a big deal about it. She saw the way he avoided her eyes.“ Keith, what is it that you’re not saying?”

“I thought I saw you to kiss.” He murmured.

“What? No! I would never! He’s- he’s not my type. Oh quiznack no. That’s- no.” She couldn’t help but freak out. Lance and her were never going to be a thing. She saw him more like a brother and you don’t think of your brother as a lover.

“Sorry.” He said and she could almost swear his ears were turning red.

“It’s okay. I’d probably assume people were dating if I thought I saw them kiss, too.” Pidge patted him on the back. “How about we go do some training?”

“Alright.” He agreed.

Together they began their walk to the training room. It was nice, sometimes, hanging out with someone other than Lance. As they walked, her vision became blurry and started to recede. She felt like she was choking.

“Pidge? Pidge, are you-“

 

~*~

 

“Hey, Pidgey. Glad to see you’re back to the land of the living.” Lance said, sitting beside her. She lifted herself up, trying to figure out what happened to her.

“What happened?” She asked.

“It’s getting worse. You passed out because the petals blocked your air pipe and you couldn’t breath. Keith got them out, but now everyone knows.” Lance explained. That wasn’t good in any way.

“Oh. Do they know who?” She had to know. She wasn’t sure what would happen, if they did. He shook his head. “That’s good.”

“Pidge, you need to tell her.” He insisted. The thought of doing so made her feel like the flowers want to crawl up her throat and her stomach felt horrible.

“No. I can’t. She obviously doesn’t feel the same way. Just a few days ago she said I was like the sister she never had.” She shook her head, gripping the blanket covered over her.

“But you’ll die.”

“You know as well as I do that I’ve been preparing myself for that.” Pidge said with a bit of resentment. She leaned back, again. “I wish I had found my dad and Matt first.”

“Pidge...” Lance sighed, holding her hand. “I’ll go tell the others you’re awake.”

He left a moment later. Pidge stared at the dome ceiling of the healing pod room. Lying on a table was weird, but not the weirdest place she had ever lied on.

“Hey.” A tentative voice said. Pidge sat back up and didn’t even bother trying to smile.

“Hey.” She returned back at Keith.

“They’re worried for you.” He said, taking Lance’s seat. He sat there in silence for a few minutes and Pidge let him. “Do you... do you want the surgery?”

“If there were surgeons out here for this, sure. It’s not like I’m dying for love. I’ve got people to save, I don’t have time for that.” Pidge replied. She really didn’t. She’s been cursing this disease since she got it.

“I’ve done it before. More than once. I used to do at the Garrison and then I did it at the nearby town for those who couldn’t afford it.” Keith suddenly spouted. It was information she never knew, but certainly wish she had.

“Are you offering to...” She trailed off, desperately hoping. He nodded. “Please. If you can, then please get these out of me. I can’t keep going on like this.”

“Alright. You’ll have to wait a couple of days so I can check the tools with Coran.” Keith said. She just smiled.

“That’s okay. I’m just relieved I’ll finally get these out.”

 

~*~

 

The next two days were a special kind of hell.

Full of awkward avoidances and approaches on the subject of her hanahaki. Coran wanted to know more details about the disease, but wasn’t sure how to ask. Hunk was trying to ask her who it was she was in love with. Keith, thankfully, had no questions, but was busy preparing for the surgery. Allura wanted to know more about the flowers themselves, having heard that each one had a meaning.

Lance stayed by her side through it all. He turned them away and helped keep her busy. When she coughed up the flowers, he kept her hair out of her face and helped her clean up.

Pidge decided that when all of this was over, she would have to do something for him. Something big to show how much she appreciated him.

And as slowly as the days seemed to be going by, they went just as quickly.

 

~*~

 

“Peonies mean shame and gay love.” Pidge could hear Keith’s voice next to her. She didn’t know how long she had been sleeping, but from the discomfort she knew that the surgery was at least done with. “Orange lilies mean hatred. Lance, you should have told us sooner before her feelings became twisted.”

“It wasn’t my secret to tell.” Lance’s voice said from her other side. He sounded somewhat angry with the other guy. “How would you feel if someone told your feelings to everyone when you don’t want anyone to know? That’s what I thought.”

“Pidge? How are you feeling?” Keith asked, noticing Pidge was awake.

“Like shit, but I can deal. It’s done, right?” She checked. She wanted to know that there were no complications or anything.

“Yeah, but you need to rest for a few days. No staying up all night, skipping meals, or pushing your body.” Lance listed before Keith could.

“I’ll make sure someone stays with you if need be.” Keith added.

“I will.” Lance volunteered. Keith gave him a questioning look. “I can do it, I’ve taken care of people with hanahaki after surgery, before.”

“Alright. I’ll check on you later.” Pidge nodded as Keith took his leave.

“Thanks.”

She was then alone with Lance in this wide empty space. They stayed in silence as Lance stared at her features and she stared at everything else but him. Her thoughts took over and curiosity rose in her.

“Lance, the last person you were in love with...” Pidge gestured a little and hoped he understood who she was indicating.

“Yeah. It was.” Lance confirmed, glancing at the door Keith left through. “I can still remember how it felt, but I can’t feel it anymore. Besides, we know each other better now. I don’t think I’ll fall in love with him again, if I ever do.”

“Why don’t they talk about how empty you feel after surgery in class?” Pidge asked. It was a stupid question, she could understand why.

“They probably just don’t want to dissuade anyone from getting it. You can still feel other things, just not... just not love.” Lance answered Anyways. She looked down at her hands. “Pidge, what’s wrong?”

“It’s stupid. I’m stupid.” Pidge stated, tears welling up. “I wish I could still love her. It hurt so much, but it also made me so happy. It drove me to do more than I would have and now...”

“Now that drive is missing.” Lance nodded, wrapping his arms around her. “I understand. I know how it goes and I promise you, you’ll feel it again. Maybe not for the same person and in the exact same way, but you’ll find love again.”

She wept in his arms, as she had done before. But it was different, this time. This time she wept for a feeling she wished she had back, and not out of pain or unrequited love.

Pidge could understand now, why people were willing to die for love.

 

~*~

 

Time passed and they became busy. Only Keith and Lance knew who she had been in love with, but they didn’t say anything since it no longer mattered. Pidge threw herself into Voltron and her projects, becoming more immersed.

She wouldn’t let herself fall in love again, no matter how much she missed the feeling itself.

Pidge continued to stay in Lance’s room, even though she no longer worried about the flowers. The magnolias and irises strewn about were taken down and pressed before they were hung up again. She secretly appreciated he didn’t throw them away.

In return for all Lance had done for her, she created a life size hologram of his family. They couldn’t talk or move much, but at least he could still look at them. He stared at them for ten minutes before thanking her.

And when Lance started coughing up irises, she comforted him and kept his secret. He cried, out of pain, confusion, and happiness, that he could still love. Together they would figure out who it was and deal with it as each flower appeared.

**Author's Note:**

> Meaning of each flower.
> 
> Iris: Warmth, affection, inspiration, wisdom  
> Magnolia: Splendid beauty, dignity, nobility  
> Peonies: Shame, Gay love  
> Orange lilies: Hatred


End file.
